Parshat Lech Lecha: Imbecile Husbands and Their Nurturing Wives

Tonight, I’d like to consider our Torah portion, Lech Lecha, through a somewhat different and perhaps irreverent lens. A recent New York Times style section featured an article by TV critic Rick Marin entitled, “Father Eats Best” he commented on the trend of shows featuring clumsy fat man with attractive wives. Judging by this year’s primetime television schedule, Marin writes, America views its middle aged dads as chubby, hapless goofs; deeply in need of the guiding influence of their younger, smarter and skinnier wives. Call it the Homer Simpsonization of America. Even “reality” shows feature B-List actresses and America’s Top Models, while the most famous reality show winner is a gawky, flabby, middle-aged man best known for his annoying, arrogant nature and running around naked. It seems as though our culture’s standards for women have never been so high, while our expectations of men so low.
Says Marin, “[These characters are] lazy beer-and-TV slobs who never lift a finger around the house, have barely met their kids and think an emotion is something you only express on the Back Nine. Somehow they've landed these hot wives who look great in jeans.”
This stereotype is a far cry from TV’s golden era, when lean and dashing dads such as Dick Van Dyke and Ward Cleaver graced the set. Or maybe not. Let me offer you a hypothetical script for today’s TV generation, courtesy of the Torah portion.
Schlumpy dad-to-be, sensible and supporting wife and irreverent nephew travel aimlessly up and down the country looking for a home. Arriving in the big city, dad has a zinger of an idea: Let’s pretend that mom is actually dad’s sister so she can use her stellar looks to wow the big city dwellers and get some food for the family. But all hell breaks loose when the local governor falls for the mrs., only to gain his constituents’ wrath by consorting with an apparently married woman! What a hoot! The laughs transform to tears as sensible supporting wife is returned to schlumpy dad, along with the governor’s tribute and blessings. Oh yeah, and a suitcase full of dough to make sure that the governor’s secret isn’t passed on to any other districts. And so the family high-jinx continue…
Sounds about as plausible as Katherine Heigel falling for Seth Rogen, right? Actually, this is an updated version of what we read in this week’s Torah portion, Lech Lecha. Rumbling, bumbling, stumbling Abraham drags Sarah and Lot up and down the desert, building alters and tents, heading heavenly calls, and even lending out his wife to Pharoah under the guise of being his sister. Later on, the male shenanigans come to a crescendo as Abraham asks Lot to choose a territory North or South to acquire and Lot picks…. East. It’s like a Marx Brothers routine. What in the world is going on with the men in this week’s torah portion?
This trend of clumsy men paired with intelligent women doesn’t pertain to just this specific torah portion, but to the entire Hebrew bible. If we assume that the torah is an amalgamation of documents written by men, for men, and about men, it is surprising that like today’s TV dads, our forefathers are depicted as constantly needing the better judgment of their better halves.
Women consistently exert their maternal will throughout the Torah in three ways. First, the bible presents a regular pattern of men addressing their crises by seeking the shelter of relationship. That is - finding a wife. Adam is created alone and God instantly realizes that a woman is needed as well. One generation later, Cain addresses his punishment of banishment by immediately settling down and marrying. Upon being abandoned by two women (Sara and Hagar) in a single day, Ishmael marries a woman of his own tribe. Isaac does the same following his binding on the top of Mt. Moriah.
Secondly, women are often depicted as having superior judgment over their male counterparts. Rebekah dupes her husband Isaac into giving his blessing to Jacob over Esau. The midwives of Egypt ignore Pharoah’s evil decree to kill all Israelite male babies. Moses’ life is saved by the wits of his sister and the care of Pharoah’s daughter. And Zipporah saves Moses’ life by circumcising his son and thus satisfying God.
Finally, the bible depicts women as conquerors over mighty men, as Sampson, and invading generals Sisera and Holofernes all fall to the cunning of Delilah, Yael and Judith. It appears as though the woman is mightier than the sword.
The Torah designates women with the responsibility of molding their men into better people. Dr. Scott Haltzman, professor of psychiatry at Brown University comments on the trend of imbecile husbands and superior wives on television, saying, “Men are foolish, and now they have to be taught by their wives through the lesson of the dumb mistake they've made not just how to be a better husband and father, but how to be a better human being. Their role is to shape the men figuratively and literally.”
I don’t know about you, but I think that Dr. Haltzman is on to something here. From the beginning of history with the creation of Adam, man is clearly not meant to be left alone. As Rabbi Ishmael declares in the Talmud (Kiddushin 29b), “As soon as one attains twenty and has not married, ‘Blasted be his bones!’”. Or perhaps as Rabbi Hanina more succinctly explains (Berakot 8a), “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a great good”. While the Talmud is clearly written from a male perspective, and thus ignores the question of if a woman ever needs a man, Jewish tradition clearly values the qualities which only a partner can bring into a relationship, a lesson which we can extend in the modern world past simply heterosexual norms. Women may need a man like a fish needs a bicycle, but men clearly need women, just in order to keep their heads above water.
It is interesting to note that the Talmud considers a wife to be a man’s house (Shabbat 118b) and a man’s tent (Moed Katan 15b). Returning to the text, we see Abraham searching for settlement, erecting altars and edifices throughout the land, but never feeling fully comfortable or stable. Maybe this week’s torah portion resembles fall TV’s lineup in a way, with Abraham failing to realize that the shelter he is searching for has walked beside him all along. Perhaps this is why Abraham finally purchases land only after Sarah dies, acquiring the cave of Machpelah in which to bury her. Without his lifelong refuge by his side, he seeks safe harbor from the fear and loneliness that come with isolation. For as clumsy and clueless as modern TV depicts the dad, the one thing he knows is how much more clueless he would be without his partner. May we all receive the comfort and warmth we need from the shelter of our own relationships, and give to one another in the example set by our tv wives and biblical matriarchs.